ALL MY PANTS ARE DIRTY!

I am so fucking pissed off right now.

Tammi is the only person who has been doing laundry this week. I haven't actually been able to do any of my laundry because she always has some thing in the washer during my free time.

We have been to the grocery store three times in as many days.

I go downstairs this morning while Tammi is sleeping, hoping to wash some much needed clothing, only to find that we are totally out of detergant.

I'm broke, mom has the car, & I couldn't even get dressed to go to the store if I wanted to.

How am I suposed to wash my fucking clothes?

Why didn't she say some thing when we went to the store yesterday?

How much juice will I have to drink before I am able to pee on her laundry?

If I go buy soap, I'm going to hide it & not let her use any.
Stupid bitch.

This is silly...

Every once in a while I'll realize some thing that's been right in front of my face for ages.
I realize I'm alive, I realize it's spring, I realize I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's a good feeling.

Today I realized, I'm happy! I guess I've been happy most of my life. But real, complete happiness has always been a thing of moments for me. I'm happy dancing for my favorite band, I'm happy in His arms, I'm happy sitting in this tree. But beyond those blissful moments, I'm happy with an underlying tension. I'm happy, but I'm worried, I'm happy, but I'm sad, I'm happy, but I feel lost.

But I think, I'm really happy!
Not that I have no worries, but, I'm pretty sure they aren't as important as they used to be.

I have a little over an hour 'till I have to leave for work, so I think I'm gonna' go outside & draw with chalk.

=^-^=

Once upon a time there was a watch...

What the fuck-hole happend to March?! It's over all ready?! Wowza, I'm totally behind on the times!

(I use far to many exclamation points...)

Now it is April. Spring hath sprung! And the sky hath opend up in torents!
For Pete's sake, all this rain is driving me up the wall.(Actually, all this rain is making me feel like I ought to crawl in a hole & die.)

At work yesterday I realized that it was April first(why I haden't figured this out before is any one's guess). I got so excited that March was over that I ran(casually speed-walked) to the callender to count how many days there were before Chris & I go to New Jersey in May.(50 at the time, now it's 49)

I can not wait 'till May! Our trip is just a month away! I'm turning into Dr. Suess! To quit this ryme would be no use!

But ofcourse, realizing that the trip is so close(yet still so far!) sent me into a tail-spin of worry.
How much should I pack?
What's the airlines weight limmit for checked lugage?
What will I do with my extra stuff if it turns out that I've packed to much?
If I'm over prepaired will every one think I'm high matinence?
If I'm unprepaired will they think I'm stupid?
What will the weather be like when we get there?
Should I pack extra pants?
What about a jacket?
How many pairs of shoes should I bring?

OH GOD, I CAN'T STOP MAKING PACKING LISTS IN MY HEAD!

I am insane.

I really need to start saving money. As it is, I sort of feel like, I have no reason not to spend, so if I feel like buying a couple cute dresses for this summer, what's the harm? But I really want to move out of my mum & da's house ASAP, & for that, I shall need the money.

Part of the whole moving out thing is deciding if I really want to stay in Rockford. I'm young, I have a chance to leave this crap-hole before I'm stuck! But I don't think Chris really wants to leave, & I'm not prepaired to leave him.

Speak of the devil, Chris is here. So I shall end this before I really let crazy out of the bottle.

Love & tampons,
Ariel

What happens to the people you forget?

Some times I think I might just hate my best friend. She really gets on my nerves some times. She's really judgemental, & she's self centered, & she acts like she knows every thing.
Fuck. And whenever I point out her short-comings she gets really offended & freaks out.

We're IMing right now:
Mad: What's up?
Air: I want to kill myself, I hate the weather & stupid Ramen Noodles.

And what does she say? Any thing about my bad day?

Mad: I really really really want to learn how to play this song!

WTF?!

Please pardon my perplexing pants, they're a potent part of participating in piracy.

Would you think I was completely crazy if I said that I think some one might be trying to poison me? Yes? Alright then, forget I said any thing!

Mad & I went to see Chris's band play last friday.

I was feeling tired, & moody & didn't really want to be there. Mad was no help, since she was hungry, moody & didn't want to be there either.

It's not that I didn't want to be with Chris, or that I didn't want to see the band play, it's just...All of his friends are much older than me, (which is to be expected when you are a 17 year old dating a 20 year old,) & I feel like a little kid. The fact that I don't drink or smoke doesn't help either.

Over-all I'm glad I went. Watching Chris & the boys(Adam, AKA A.P., Brian, & Corey, AKA 'The Co.') play made up for the rest of the night. They are so rad!

Next time though, I think I'll bring snacks.

As of July 19th, I will oficialy be and adult. Whatever that means. So I guess I'm gonna' have to try an' do some thing with myself...Ugh.

I just enrolled at RVC. I have to take a placement test before I can sign up for classes, since I'm a new student & I want to go full time.(I wanted to go part time, but I'll get dropped from my mom's insurance if I get less than 12 credit hours, or some thing like that.)

Erica, my sort-of-cousin/co-worker, took me driving Sunday. I got to drive up to Dekalb! We stopped & said hi to a family she used to work for, & got food at Pita Petes. It was pretty cool, we got to talk a lot on the way there & back, since her car doesn't have a sterio.

I'm almost done reading the Watchmen! Did I mention Chris got me the book for Valentines day? I don't want to be a spoiler but I was really upset when some one was killed by so & so. And I can just marvel at Rorschach's ingenuity! Oh & when Dr. Manhattan changed his mind! I was shocked! He didn't seem to have any emotion whatsoever up until then.

When I started writing todays' blog, I wasn't feeling well at all. I wasn't feeling bad, so much as gloomy. I'm feeling better now, I guess some times I just need to sit & write some silly thoughts. It's relaxing.

Any-hoo, I have nothing more that I can say on the internet with out getting myself & others into much trouble. Have a lovely day!

Love & chickpeas,
Ariel

The things I've left undone, these thing are yet to come.

My goodness! Funny seeing you here? How long has it been since we last met? I'm sorry we fell out of touch, Blog. I would say "Oh I've just been so busy with work & Chris & Mad & the fam, I hardly have time to wash my own clothes!" (which is sort of true, I'm wearing my last clean shirt) but the time for excuses is long past. How 'bout I fill you in instead? I say it's about time we caught up!

I don't feel like writing in my journal any more, I think it might have to do with what my journal looks like. It's a fluffy orange book with a blue monster on the cover. Super cute as it may be, I find all the little illistrations on every page a wee-bit distracting. And so, I don't bother writing. I'm going to regret that a few years from now when I feel like reading about my 17-year-old self.

Ah well, such is life.

There have been a lot of other things I've left undone as well. Like laundry...but I did start cleaning my room the other day! It's still a sty, but a much tidier sty if I may say so myself.

Chris & I are still madly in love. A couple nights ago he told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me!

Yesterday Chris, Mad & I hung out together. We went to Mary's Market(ohmygod french onion soup is sooooo good! I could eat it for every meal of the day) & to the ELB. It was sort of a slow night, but it was cool to see a few of the old peeps, & a couple of the new peeps. But I still feel to shy to dance in front of Chris.

Oh hold on a moment, Chris is here to deliver some tastey lunch!

And now back to the show.

My dad is leaving to start a new job tomorrow. He's gonna' be driving long distance again, so he'll be gone all week, & home every weekend. He used to drive over the road like four years ago, & I remember what it was like, but I think it's gonna' be weird not having him around all the time. But he'll be making a lot more cash than he was with his other job. Sooo....Yeah. Kinda' sucks.

My job is making me a little crazy. I've been working around 25 hours a week & I'm still not used to it. (hence the fact that I have no clean clothes.)Every day I get up around seven, scarf down some breaky, dress in a rush & hop off to work. I get off around three, go home, shower & all that jazz, & most days Chris picks me up around five. I don't get home 'till 10:30, & since I have to work early in the morning I just brush my teeth & hop in bed. I feel like I have no time at all.

When am I suposed to wash clothes? Do school-work?(I'm not in school, but I'm trying to get ahead in maths before I enroll at RVC next fall.) When do I fit in time for myself? I simply don't understand how people lead ballnced lives. Some of the people I work with have full time jobs outside of B&N, & lots of them have children! How on earth do they find the time?!

Hopefully I can figure out time for housework & myself, as simple as it is I don't think this pattern of sleep, work, Chris, sleep, work, Chris, is really going to work. I don't really want to cut-back on my hours though, since I want to save money to A) fix my car, B) pay for classes & such, & C) get a place of my own some time later this year or next.

Speaking of getting a place, I'm sort of having an issue with that. Actually, never mind. I want to tell some one about this but I'm not sure I'm ready to post it all over the interwebs.

I shouldn't have said any thing.

I'm very itchy all over. I feel like I have fleas. Eeew, fleas!
Ugh, I think I'm going to go take a shower.

Love & tacos,
Ariel

I feel chubby

I am in need of a hair cut, ASAP! I glanced in the mirror today(as I do every day) & realized that I look an awful lot like Raggedy Andy, only my hair is brown instead of hot-rod red. Also, I've been trying to figure out just how many haircuts(& when) I'll need for my hair to look perfect when Chris, & I(Jackie too) go to NJ to see his sister.

Oh I never wrote about that did I? Okay, so I every spring Chris & his mother(Jackie) fly to NJ to visit his sister(Corinna). And this year I was invited to tag along. I'm super excited to meet his sister, though I'm sure as our departure aproches I'll get more & more nervous, as always.

I keep thinking about May. Every time I go downstairs to do laundry I look at my suite case & think "Gosh, I really should bring that upstairs to let it air-out so all my clothes don't smell like the dungeon." But then I remember that it's only Feb. & if I brought it up, my case would only be taking up much needed space in my room for about three months. I think about east-cost weather a lot too. I keep wondering if it'll be warm enough for me to wear all my cute dresses & skirts & whether or not I should buy some shorts. But, once again, I remember that none of this is going to matter for another three months.

I've always been like this though. The first couple times I went to Arkansas with Madeleine, I would wash all my clothes & pack about a week ahead. Then, realizing that I had packed to much & that I had nothing to wear for a week, I'd basically live out of my suitcase until a day or two before we left. Going to Arizona for the summer when I was a kid was even worse! I'd sort out every thing I might want to bring, fold it & stack it neatly on my floor, almost two months before we left! I love making packing-lists too. Since I was an itty-bitty whenever I was sleeping over at a friend's house, going camping, or going on vacation, I'd write & rewrite list after list, making sure I didn't forget any thing--but I always forget some thing important.(Sun-screen, cameras, tooth brush, socks....)

Ugh, all I can think about is leaving Rockford.
I'll write more later.

Love & fishes,
Ariel