It's at my fingertips
but I can't get a girp
these numbers swirl with sarcasm
laughing at my every move
never have I seen integers to patronizing!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
lets take the drama down a notch...
Lately my life has seemed quite...insane.
God, where to start?
Ahh, I guess I'll start with Boyfriend. Or should I say ex-Boyfriend.
Yeah thats right, Nick & I are no more.
I guess I saw it coming. I started getting weird vibes from him a while ago (before his birthday) & they just kept getting worse. I knew what was happening, but ever the optimist (or idiot, whatever you prefer) I kept hoping I was wrong.
The funny thing is, we're totally O-V-E-R but he never actually broke up with me.
I had my phone silenced all day friday since I had to work, & after work I had to go drive with Mr. Kohler. When I was waiting for my mom to pick me up I decided to check my messages, & hark! I message from the elusive Boyfriend! Basically he was like ''I know this isn't the best way to do this but...you know, just call me back when you get a chance."
At first I was totally in shock, I deleted the message & continued listening to others left with more welcome words, but by the time I got to the last message of the morning I was sobbing. My mom arived just then, so I ran to the car with tears & rain pouring down my face (yes, it was raining, nice touch eh?) & told her what happend.
But don't think your brave heroin broke down & spent the whole day in bed eating Ben & Jerry's. I'm a warrior not a damsel in distress! So after about two minutes of sniveling, I put on a happy-face & assured my mother I'd be just fine.
Once I got home I had to head straight out again. Mad, Kevs, & I were throwing our friend Evan a suprise party & it was my job to distract him for a while. He & I walked around the neighborhood for a while, & I put Nick out of my mind entirely. But ofcourse, even the strongest of wills can't hold up for ever (not that I'm that strong of will...). Around 8pm I told Evan I needed to go home because I was feeling sick (true, actually, stress makes me feel like puking).
After that I spent the next hour or so laying on my bed sobbing untill I couldn't cry any more. I have to admit, expected or not, knowing that my relationship with Nick was over hurt, a lot.
But soon the tears abated, & my sadness turned to anger. I felt used, I felt like he didn't even think of me as a person, I felt like all he cared about was my smokin' hott bod (yes, I am modest).
I felt a lot better after talking to Mad, so I decided to call Nick back. I felt really calm as I punched in his number (for the last time) but once it started ringing I worried about what he might say. I worried in vain though, after ringing for what seemed to be a life time I got his voice mail. So I put on my perkiest, most butterflies-&-bubble-gum voice & basically told him I saw it coming & not to call me ever again.
Mwahaha.
There are other things going on, but one of them I can't talk about, & one of them I don't want to talk about (yes, there's a differance). And, ahh...blah.
I'm going to bed now.
Love & text books,
Ariel
God, where to start?
Ahh, I guess I'll start with Boyfriend. Or should I say ex-Boyfriend.
Yeah thats right, Nick & I are no more.
I guess I saw it coming. I started getting weird vibes from him a while ago (before his birthday) & they just kept getting worse. I knew what was happening, but ever the optimist (or idiot, whatever you prefer) I kept hoping I was wrong.
The funny thing is, we're totally O-V-E-R but he never actually broke up with me.
I had my phone silenced all day friday since I had to work, & after work I had to go drive with Mr. Kohler. When I was waiting for my mom to pick me up I decided to check my messages, & hark! I message from the elusive Boyfriend! Basically he was like ''I know this isn't the best way to do this but...you know, just call me back when you get a chance."
At first I was totally in shock, I deleted the message & continued listening to others left with more welcome words, but by the time I got to the last message of the morning I was sobbing. My mom arived just then, so I ran to the car with tears & rain pouring down my face (yes, it was raining, nice touch eh?) & told her what happend.
But don't think your brave heroin broke down & spent the whole day in bed eating Ben & Jerry's. I'm a warrior not a damsel in distress! So after about two minutes of sniveling, I put on a happy-face & assured my mother I'd be just fine.
Once I got home I had to head straight out again. Mad, Kevs, & I were throwing our friend Evan a suprise party & it was my job to distract him for a while. He & I walked around the neighborhood for a while, & I put Nick out of my mind entirely. But ofcourse, even the strongest of wills can't hold up for ever (not that I'm that strong of will...). Around 8pm I told Evan I needed to go home because I was feeling sick (true, actually, stress makes me feel like puking).
After that I spent the next hour or so laying on my bed sobbing untill I couldn't cry any more. I have to admit, expected or not, knowing that my relationship with Nick was over hurt, a lot.
But soon the tears abated, & my sadness turned to anger. I felt used, I felt like he didn't even think of me as a person, I felt like all he cared about was my smokin' hott bod (yes, I am modest).
I felt a lot better after talking to Mad, so I decided to call Nick back. I felt really calm as I punched in his number (for the last time) but once it started ringing I worried about what he might say. I worried in vain though, after ringing for what seemed to be a life time I got his voice mail. So I put on my perkiest, most butterflies-&-bubble-gum voice & basically told him I saw it coming & not to call me ever again.
Mwahaha.
There are other things going on, but one of them I can't talk about, & one of them I don't want to talk about (yes, there's a differance). And, ahh...blah.
I'm going to bed now.
Love & text books,
Ariel
Thursday, June 5, 2008
your life is waiting for you
Boyfriend finally has a car! HORRAY!!
(FYI, when he got hit by that semi his car was smushed.)
Moving right along.
I am currantly living in a seven person household, this time last month only four people were living here. (Our brave heroine heaves a deep sigh of remorse) It's a long story.
I don't really mind so much. The main problem is that the TV & computer always seem to be in use when I feel like watching a movie, & I find it hard to get to bed before 11 when the kids (including my brother Aaron) are all still up playing. But for the most part the kids (Katline & Damien) have been great, & Tammie (K & D's mother) is like one of the family. So it's all good.
Meh, I'm pretty tired, I think I'm gonna' watch some pokemon' with the monsters & go to bed.
Love & potatoes,
Ariel
(FYI, when he got hit by that semi his car was smushed.)
Moving right along.
I am currantly living in a seven person household, this time last month only four people were living here. (Our brave heroine heaves a deep sigh of remorse) It's a long story.
I don't really mind so much. The main problem is that the TV & computer always seem to be in use when I feel like watching a movie, & I find it hard to get to bed before 11 when the kids (including my brother Aaron) are all still up playing. But for the most part the kids (Katline & Damien) have been great, & Tammie (K & D's mother) is like one of the family. So it's all good.
Meh, I'm pretty tired, I think I'm gonna' watch some pokemon' with the monsters & go to bed.
Love & potatoes,
Ariel
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
lets get together & feel all right
I have to say, I have had one hell of a week.
I'm not even sure where to start!
Summercamp was...crazy, fun, shiny, beautiful, spaztic, eye-opening, poetic, insane!
Lots of stuff happend, but every thing is sort of dwarfed by sunday night, so sunday night is what I'm going to talk about.
The whole day was pretty mellow, Mad & I played frizbe & chilled at my dad's campsite, that night we decided to buy new dresses before we went to see Moe. (Watching Moe is a great way to end Summercamp.)
We ended up dancing with these two guys--Corey & Casey--it was ten tons of fun, but at the same time I was a little worried that perhaps Boyfriend wouldn't aprove of me dancing so close with some random dude. (I wasn't all that worried, it was just dancing, but Corey kept smelling my hair & he kissed my cheek at one point, he was acting much friendlier than I would usually allow.)
After Moe was done playing the four of us (Mad, Corey, Casey & I) went to play frizbee & chill out for a while.
Okay, this is taking me forever to write, time to cut this epic short.
Mad 'n I were seperated, & it doesn't take a genious to figure out what she & Casey were up to.
(Lets just say, the seemed to be getting along quite fine)
I was pissed, to say the least. Corey & I went back to my tent (don't get the wrong idea, he & I were not getting as friendly as Mad & Casey) only to find the others there already, uhm...hanging out. It was not a pretty sight.
After Mad & Casey left (I kicked them out of my tent, they went back to his) Corey & I sat & talked, or to be more accurate, I ranted, yelled, fumed, complained, griped, & ranted some more while he listend & ocasionally made comments or tried in vain to calm me down.
I have no idea how long we sat there in the dark talking before I heard the sirens. They sounded familiar, & with the way it was raining (pouring is more like it) I thought maybe it was a tornado warning, but I ignored it, chalking it up to an ambulance removing some druged up hippies.
Until we heard the anouncement. There were police driving around telling every one to go to their cars, but not leave the park. We stopped to ask one of them why we had to leave & she told us that a tornado had been sighted.
That would be when I really started freaking out.
By the time we got out to the parking lot (just Corey & I, we had no clue where Madeleine & Casey were) we were drenched to the bone, I had mud up to my knees, & couldn't stop freaking out. I didn't know where my best-friend/practically-sister was, I didn't know where my family was, I didn't know where to go, I didn't have my cell phone (it wouldn't have done me much good anyway, my phone was dead) I was drenched, freezing, tired, & stuck with a dude who was sweet & funny but basically good for nothing (due to the fact that he was stoned off his ass).
I'm not going to go into all the gorey details, but at one point I started crying. A little known fact about me: I don't cry. It take a lot to make me cry. But once I do start crying (which happens about three times a year) I can not stop. Seriously. Oh, & I screamed ''I fucking hate you'' at Casey. Yeah...
Corey was amazing about it though. If I were him, I would have run for the hills! But he stuck with me, & held on to me, & made me laugh even when I was in tears. After I screamed at Casey, he wasn't mad or freaked out, he told me that I was amazing, that I was the most ''real'' person he'd ever met, & that he'd never seen so much emotion.
After a while of just walking around in the rain looking for some dude called Alex, we went back to Casey's car to borrow his cell. I was so upset I felt like couldn't go with in 50 feet of his truck.
One of the boys gestured at me, which caused me to start crying again. Enter Adam, the hero of Sunday night (Corey was a hero too, but Adam really saved me, I'll remember him for the rest of my life). He saw me crying & stopped to ask what was wrong. I tried my best to explain, but I'm pretty sure it came out as a strangled sob. He pulled me into a cold wet hug & told me I was welcome to hang out in his car & have a beer if I wanted.
Normally, if a guy was to invite me back to his car for a beer I'd smack him & walk away. But this wasn't a ''hey baby, come get in my car'' kind of invite, it was more like ''come sit some where safe & dry, here, have a beer to take the edge off.'' Which I did.
Corey & I went back to Adam's car, where we met Joe, (I never saw Joes face, but he sounded older & talked in his sleep) & Becky (Adam's rather drunk girlfriend). We spent the night there, four sleepy, smelly, sopping wet people cramed into the back of an SUV (at least I think it was an SUV, my memory is a little foggy).
I left early the next morning, I really needed to be alone. So I went back to my campsite, grabed my bag full of clothes, & went back to my dad's site to sleep in the cab of his truck. Thankfully, no one was awake, so I didn't have to talk to any one, if I had I 'prolly would have burst into tears & then every one would be all worried about me & not leave me alone & such.
After a few good hours of ocean-deep sleep, I was ready to face the world. Well, not really. But I didn't have to cry any more.
So that was my Summercamp (part of it anyway). Honestly, as horable as it all sounds, I think it was the best festival ever.
=^-^=
Love & bug spray,
Ariel
I'm not even sure where to start!
Summercamp was...crazy, fun, shiny, beautiful, spaztic, eye-opening, poetic, insane!
Lots of stuff happend, but every thing is sort of dwarfed by sunday night, so sunday night is what I'm going to talk about.
The whole day was pretty mellow, Mad & I played frizbe & chilled at my dad's campsite, that night we decided to buy new dresses before we went to see Moe. (Watching Moe is a great way to end Summercamp.)
We ended up dancing with these two guys--Corey & Casey--it was ten tons of fun, but at the same time I was a little worried that perhaps Boyfriend wouldn't aprove of me dancing so close with some random dude. (I wasn't all that worried, it was just dancing, but Corey kept smelling my hair & he kissed my cheek at one point, he was acting much friendlier than I would usually allow.)
After Moe was done playing the four of us (Mad, Corey, Casey & I) went to play frizbee & chill out for a while.
Okay, this is taking me forever to write, time to cut this epic short.
Mad 'n I were seperated, & it doesn't take a genious to figure out what she & Casey were up to.
(Lets just say, the seemed to be getting along quite fine)
I was pissed, to say the least. Corey & I went back to my tent (don't get the wrong idea, he & I were not getting as friendly as Mad & Casey) only to find the others there already, uhm...hanging out. It was not a pretty sight.
After Mad & Casey left (I kicked them out of my tent, they went back to his) Corey & I sat & talked, or to be more accurate, I ranted, yelled, fumed, complained, griped, & ranted some more while he listend & ocasionally made comments or tried in vain to calm me down.
I have no idea how long we sat there in the dark talking before I heard the sirens. They sounded familiar, & with the way it was raining (pouring is more like it) I thought maybe it was a tornado warning, but I ignored it, chalking it up to an ambulance removing some druged up hippies.
Until we heard the anouncement. There were police driving around telling every one to go to their cars, but not leave the park. We stopped to ask one of them why we had to leave & she told us that a tornado had been sighted.
That would be when I really started freaking out.
By the time we got out to the parking lot (just Corey & I, we had no clue where Madeleine & Casey were) we were drenched to the bone, I had mud up to my knees, & couldn't stop freaking out. I didn't know where my best-friend/practically-sister was, I didn't know where my family was, I didn't know where to go, I didn't have my cell phone (it wouldn't have done me much good anyway, my phone was dead) I was drenched, freezing, tired, & stuck with a dude who was sweet & funny but basically good for nothing (due to the fact that he was stoned off his ass).
I'm not going to go into all the gorey details, but at one point I started crying. A little known fact about me: I don't cry. It take a lot to make me cry. But once I do start crying (which happens about three times a year) I can not stop. Seriously. Oh, & I screamed ''I fucking hate you'' at Casey. Yeah...
Corey was amazing about it though. If I were him, I would have run for the hills! But he stuck with me, & held on to me, & made me laugh even when I was in tears. After I screamed at Casey, he wasn't mad or freaked out, he told me that I was amazing, that I was the most ''real'' person he'd ever met, & that he'd never seen so much emotion.
After a while of just walking around in the rain looking for some dude called Alex, we went back to Casey's car to borrow his cell. I was so upset I felt like couldn't go with in 50 feet of his truck.
One of the boys gestured at me, which caused me to start crying again. Enter Adam, the hero of Sunday night (Corey was a hero too, but Adam really saved me, I'll remember him for the rest of my life). He saw me crying & stopped to ask what was wrong. I tried my best to explain, but I'm pretty sure it came out as a strangled sob. He pulled me into a cold wet hug & told me I was welcome to hang out in his car & have a beer if I wanted.
Normally, if a guy was to invite me back to his car for a beer I'd smack him & walk away. But this wasn't a ''hey baby, come get in my car'' kind of invite, it was more like ''come sit some where safe & dry, here, have a beer to take the edge off.'' Which I did.
Corey & I went back to Adam's car, where we met Joe, (I never saw Joes face, but he sounded older & talked in his sleep) & Becky (Adam's rather drunk girlfriend). We spent the night there, four sleepy, smelly, sopping wet people cramed into the back of an SUV (at least I think it was an SUV, my memory is a little foggy).
I left early the next morning, I really needed to be alone. So I went back to my campsite, grabed my bag full of clothes, & went back to my dad's site to sleep in the cab of his truck. Thankfully, no one was awake, so I didn't have to talk to any one, if I had I 'prolly would have burst into tears & then every one would be all worried about me & not leave me alone & such.
After a few good hours of ocean-deep sleep, I was ready to face the world. Well, not really. But I didn't have to cry any more.
So that was my Summercamp (part of it anyway). Honestly, as horable as it all sounds, I think it was the best festival ever.
=^-^=
Love & bug spray,
Ariel
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
you can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat
My parents have finally met Boyfriend! And...John.
Haha.
We went out for dinner last night after the final performance of Saturn Night Live. (Thank gods it's over!) I was soooo nervous about the 'rentals meeting him, I thought I was going to die.
But it went well, no one died, my mum & dad aprove. (As does my brother, but he's 11, I'd be extremely worried if he didn't aprove)
^_^
Anyways, I've got to get a move on.
Busy day ahead of me. I'm leaving for Summercamp tomorrow!
HAPPYDANCEHAPPYDANCE!
Love & cupcakes,
Ariel
Haha.
We went out for dinner last night after the final performance of Saturn Night Live. (Thank gods it's over!) I was soooo nervous about the 'rentals meeting him, I thought I was going to die.
But it went well, no one died, my mum & dad aprove. (As does my brother, but he's 11, I'd be extremely worried if he didn't aprove)
^_^
Anyways, I've got to get a move on.
Busy day ahead of me. I'm leaving for Summercamp tomorrow!
HAPPYDANCEHAPPYDANCE!
Love & cupcakes,
Ariel
Monday, May 19, 2008
who has my marbles?!
Sooo, I had a panic attack at work yesterday...
I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy.
Moving right along.
Boyfriend's birthday is coming up, (June 9th!) and I haven't a clue what to give him. I want it to be some thing...different! Some thing quirky, that no one else would think of. Some thing he's going to remember! But I have no ideas. >:(
Errr, lets see, what else do I have to talk about?
Lots of stuff, actually, but I'm far to lazy right now.
Love & sunshine,
Ariel
I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy.
Moving right along.
Boyfriend's birthday is coming up, (June 9th!) and I haven't a clue what to give him. I want it to be some thing...different! Some thing quirky, that no one else would think of. Some thing he's going to remember! But I have no ideas. >:(
Errr, lets see, what else do I have to talk about?
Lots of stuff, actually, but I'm far to lazy right now.
Love & sunshine,
Ariel
Friday, May 9, 2008
flipping frogs!
Todays been a good day so far, I'm HAPPY!
Woot woot!
I really am starting to think that I'm bi-polar, with all these ups and downs, but I'm not going to think 'bout that right now 'cause I'm HAPPY!
Haha, I haven't really done any thing this week, I have nothing to write about.
So here's what I'm going to do now, call Amcore & RVC, work on some math, aaand...who knows? The days just begun!
Oh damn, I just ripped my tights. Oh well, it's not going to ruin my day!
Love & laughter,
Ariel
Woot woot!
I really am starting to think that I'm bi-polar, with all these ups and downs, but I'm not going to think 'bout that right now 'cause I'm HAPPY!
Haha, I haven't really done any thing this week, I have nothing to write about.
So here's what I'm going to do now, call Amcore & RVC, work on some math, aaand...who knows? The days just begun!
Oh damn, I just ripped my tights. Oh well, it's not going to ruin my day!
Love & laughter,
Ariel
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