I wish I could be better at being friends with people.
It's not like I don't try.
I love the people I work with, & I'd love to be friends with them outside of work, but I just don't know how. I'm always so...reserved, I supose. I can't talk about my personal life with just any one, & because of that no one talks to me.
Like the other day, somebody was talking to so-&-so about this thing in three months thats kind of a big deal & every body knows about--except me. It really doesn't matter, I don't even care that I didn't get invited, but it would have been nice if they hadn't been talking about it right in front of me.
Actually, I do care. A lot. Even if I didn't go(I 'prolly wouldn't, I'm so awkward, I can't stand going to parties & stuff) it would have made me really happy to be inclueded.
There have been a ton of situations like that at work. I wont get invited, & later some one will ask, "why weren't you there the other night?" & I have to say I wasn't asked, & try not to let any one see just how much that hurts.
I don't know why this is getting to me so much right now. Things have been this way for most of my life. I sort of think that there must be some thing about me that people just don't like. Or maybe I'm just boring.
This blog is depressing.
I haven't been feeling quite right, so every thing I write is annoying & emo & self-centered.
Ugh.
Chris got his wisdom teeth pulled today. He's really...miserable. I don't remember it hurting that much when mine were pulled. But every one feels pain differantly, & there are a ton of factors involved in that. For one thing, my teeth have sort-of wimpy roots, & my oral surgeon said that the older you are the worse it is. So maybe thats why Chris's are causing him so much more pain.
Lalala, trying to think of some thing to write about that isn't sad...
Oh! On the drive home from Chris's house tonight, some thing rather creapy happend. I had just turned on to Charles from E.State, & this guy(who sort of looked like Brad Pitt, but not really) pulled up next to me. I glaced over(like you do) & was startled to see that he was staring at me. Not just looking, STARING. Then he let himself fall behind me. But every so often he would pull up next to me again & STARE. We drove like this, all the way from E. State to 20th. I was starting to think that this weird staring guy was following me. So I hit the gas(he kept pace, right next to me, staring all the while, despite the fact that we were driving 20 miles over the spead limit) & turned abruptly at 18th. I ended up taking an odd route home, but was pleased to find that Mr. Pitt was not following me.
I think that my powers over men are...scary. And I don't know how to turn them off. I sound like a bitch...I really don't think that I'm that sexy or any thing, it just seams that a lot of guys get the wrong idea about me & end up having huge crushes on me &...it's awkward.
I don't know if or when I'm flirting. Seriously. So I'm happy thinking I'm "just friends" with some one, then they go & ask me out, & POOF! We're no longer friends.
Like the guy from Highlander. Every time he came in Hope would be like "Omg Ariel, why are you talking to him? Don't you know he's madly in love with you? I am so going to tell Chris that you were flirting with another guy," & I never took her seriously. He & I? We were friends. At least, that's what I thought, untill the day I happend to be walking into the store just as he was coming in for his shift. We walked through the parking lot, chatting & what not, & when we got to the door he was like "...do you...maybe want to hang out some time?" Hang out. Oh how inocent that sounds! But I'm not 12, & I know that "hanging out" can often mean "go on a casual date."
Or that other guy from the mall, who was about to ask me out(trust me, you can tell), so hoping to avoid that awkward rejection thing I was like "Uh, I really have to go, my moms waiting for me. Nice talking to ya!" & power-walked away. Now he's sort of...rude, whenever I see him.(Which is all the time since he always comes to B&N for coffee.)
Fudge. I feel bad about it. And it's always really cool guys that I would love to hang out with & get to know better!
Well...Except for Creapy Charles. He was...much much older than me, knew I was only 16, & still did things like hold my hand when I was handing him his change & say things like "I just don't know what to say around you, you take my breath away." THAT was just scary. I couldn't walk around the mall(or even just B&N) by myself, 'cause some how, he'd always find me & corner me into awkward conversations.
Maybe I'm like a Siren. I entice sailors to their death.(Only with out all the singing, no one has ever fallen in love with my voice) My name is Ariel after all.
Haha, wow, ok. Feeling less sad-face now.
There was some thing else I wanted to write about...what on earth was it?
I just re-aranged the furniture in my room.(This actually happens fairly regularly) I love how it is now, but I wish I didn't have to clean & re-organize every thing now. I have to move all my posters too, I really don't feel like it though.
Uhm...ok, enough random jibber-jabber.
Love & fruit-snacks,
Ariel
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