I have a job! Well...yeah, no duh.
Basically, my hours at work have been cut. A lot.
For a month or so I was getting around 30 hours a week. Then, for the past couple weeks, I've been getting about...10. If that. And next week? Six and a half.
So I've been thinking about aplying at other places. I have stuff to pay for! And I owe Rockvalley money that I have to pay by the 22nd of July. I may only be 17, & I may still live with my parents, but I can't live on $48 a week.
Then I get this thing in the mail about a job & blah blah blah. It didn't really have much information, & seemed sort of weird, so I didn't even think about it. I figured they were recruting telemarketers or some thing.
When I found out that I was getting six & a half hours on the next schedule...telemarketing didn't sound so bad. Ya' know, just for a while.
So I submitted an aplication online, & had an interveiw only hours later. Pretty...expedient.
I went to the interveiw. Watched this demo thing. Filled out more papers. Turns out it wasn't for telemarketing, & it wasn't for door-to-door sales people or some thing annoying like that.
It was more along the lines of...Those jewlery parties? Except you make appointments with people one on one, show them the products, & so on. If I were to take the position, I'd be selling knives & stuff. They were really sweet, I'd buy one if A) I needed any knives & B) I had money to waste on knives that would be better spent on bills, gas & tuition.
It seems pretty laid back. For every appointment you are paid $15, even if the person you were meeting with didn't buy any thing. But if they did you would make %10 of the sale, or $15, which evers higher. So there's no presure to be that pushy sales person totally focused on numbers.(Which, my job seems to be turning into.)
It's some thing I think I could do, but I feel like I'd enjoy it even less than my currant position.
I hate having to sell things. I'm some one who knows what they want(at least when it comes to shopping, going to cafes, looking for sweet knives, & so on), & I don't need sales people showing me all these other great things their company thinks I need. I don't want you to tell me that the next size up is only 10 cents more, & I'll get four more ounces! I don't want you to tell me that if I buy one more I can get another for free/half off. I don't want to listen to you preaching about the differant merits of this great thing or that great thing.
It's bad enough where I work now. Baileys' putting so much emphasis on sales, hours are based on how well you sell. Rather than your great rapport with the customors, or how you can wip out drinks at an incredable speed(& have every drink taste great too!), or you abillity to juggle three jobs at once(making fraps, lattes, & helping the next customor at the same time? That takes tallent!) or whatever skills my favorite co-workers might have.
[Please note: I was not saying that I have any/all of the qualities listed. But a few of the people I work with do, & their hours have been slashed just as much as mine.]
So as much as I may want to, I don't know if I can take this job. If I'm not going to enjoy doing it, I'm not going to do it well, & if I'm not doing it well it wont even be worth my time.
But...My stubborn side is yelling at me now.
I talked to Chris right after the interview, & he was trying to talk me out of taking the position I was offerd. So even though I disagree with his reasons, & I have my own reasons for not taking the job, I don't want to admit it to him.
I can be quite obstinate.
But, I am not one of those pertinacious sales people that wont take no for an answer!
Ok, when I first got home from the interview I was thinking I'd take the job, then later on(as I was starting this blog) I was unsure & planned to talk to my mum about it before making a decision, but now I think the decision made it's self.
I do need more hours, I do want a differant job. But I wont be any happier with this one. There for, I shall leave an opening to be filled by some one more worthy/desperate.
Whew! There's a load off my mind! I'll call tomorrow & let them know.
Love & OH SHOOT I FORGOT TO GET GAS TODAY!
Ariel
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
If you were a castle I'd be your moat, & if you were an ocean I'd learn to float.
I wish I could be better at being friends with people.
It's not like I don't try.
I love the people I work with, & I'd love to be friends with them outside of work, but I just don't know how. I'm always so...reserved, I supose. I can't talk about my personal life with just any one, & because of that no one talks to me.
Like the other day, somebody was talking to so-&-so about this thing in three months thats kind of a big deal & every body knows about--except me. It really doesn't matter, I don't even care that I didn't get invited, but it would have been nice if they hadn't been talking about it right in front of me.
Actually, I do care. A lot. Even if I didn't go(I 'prolly wouldn't, I'm so awkward, I can't stand going to parties & stuff) it would have made me really happy to be inclueded.
There have been a ton of situations like that at work. I wont get invited, & later some one will ask, "why weren't you there the other night?" & I have to say I wasn't asked, & try not to let any one see just how much that hurts.
I don't know why this is getting to me so much right now. Things have been this way for most of my life. I sort of think that there must be some thing about me that people just don't like. Or maybe I'm just boring.
This blog is depressing.
I haven't been feeling quite right, so every thing I write is annoying & emo & self-centered.
Ugh.
Chris got his wisdom teeth pulled today. He's really...miserable. I don't remember it hurting that much when mine were pulled. But every one feels pain differantly, & there are a ton of factors involved in that. For one thing, my teeth have sort-of wimpy roots, & my oral surgeon said that the older you are the worse it is. So maybe thats why Chris's are causing him so much more pain.
Lalala, trying to think of some thing to write about that isn't sad...
Oh! On the drive home from Chris's house tonight, some thing rather creapy happend. I had just turned on to Charles from E.State, & this guy(who sort of looked like Brad Pitt, but not really) pulled up next to me. I glaced over(like you do) & was startled to see that he was staring at me. Not just looking, STARING. Then he let himself fall behind me. But every so often he would pull up next to me again & STARE. We drove like this, all the way from E. State to 20th. I was starting to think that this weird staring guy was following me. So I hit the gas(he kept pace, right next to me, staring all the while, despite the fact that we were driving 20 miles over the spead limit) & turned abruptly at 18th. I ended up taking an odd route home, but was pleased to find that Mr. Pitt was not following me.
I think that my powers over men are...scary. And I don't know how to turn them off. I sound like a bitch...I really don't think that I'm that sexy or any thing, it just seams that a lot of guys get the wrong idea about me & end up having huge crushes on me &...it's awkward.
I don't know if or when I'm flirting. Seriously. So I'm happy thinking I'm "just friends" with some one, then they go & ask me out, & POOF! We're no longer friends.
Like the guy from Highlander. Every time he came in Hope would be like "Omg Ariel, why are you talking to him? Don't you know he's madly in love with you? I am so going to tell Chris that you were flirting with another guy," & I never took her seriously. He & I? We were friends. At least, that's what I thought, untill the day I happend to be walking into the store just as he was coming in for his shift. We walked through the parking lot, chatting & what not, & when we got to the door he was like "...do you...maybe want to hang out some time?" Hang out. Oh how inocent that sounds! But I'm not 12, & I know that "hanging out" can often mean "go on a casual date."
Or that other guy from the mall, who was about to ask me out(trust me, you can tell), so hoping to avoid that awkward rejection thing I was like "Uh, I really have to go, my moms waiting for me. Nice talking to ya!" & power-walked away. Now he's sort of...rude, whenever I see him.(Which is all the time since he always comes to B&N for coffee.)
Fudge. I feel bad about it. And it's always really cool guys that I would love to hang out with & get to know better!
Well...Except for Creapy Charles. He was...much much older than me, knew I was only 16, & still did things like hold my hand when I was handing him his change & say things like "I just don't know what to say around you, you take my breath away." THAT was just scary. I couldn't walk around the mall(or even just B&N) by myself, 'cause some how, he'd always find me & corner me into awkward conversations.
Maybe I'm like a Siren. I entice sailors to their death.(Only with out all the singing, no one has ever fallen in love with my voice) My name is Ariel after all.
Haha, wow, ok. Feeling less sad-face now.
There was some thing else I wanted to write about...what on earth was it?
I just re-aranged the furniture in my room.(This actually happens fairly regularly) I love how it is now, but I wish I didn't have to clean & re-organize every thing now. I have to move all my posters too, I really don't feel like it though.
Uhm...ok, enough random jibber-jabber.
Love & fruit-snacks,
Ariel
It's not like I don't try.
I love the people I work with, & I'd love to be friends with them outside of work, but I just don't know how. I'm always so...reserved, I supose. I can't talk about my personal life with just any one, & because of that no one talks to me.
Like the other day, somebody was talking to so-&-so about this thing in three months thats kind of a big deal & every body knows about--except me. It really doesn't matter, I don't even care that I didn't get invited, but it would have been nice if they hadn't been talking about it right in front of me.
Actually, I do care. A lot. Even if I didn't go(I 'prolly wouldn't, I'm so awkward, I can't stand going to parties & stuff) it would have made me really happy to be inclueded.
There have been a ton of situations like that at work. I wont get invited, & later some one will ask, "why weren't you there the other night?" & I have to say I wasn't asked, & try not to let any one see just how much that hurts.
I don't know why this is getting to me so much right now. Things have been this way for most of my life. I sort of think that there must be some thing about me that people just don't like. Or maybe I'm just boring.
This blog is depressing.
I haven't been feeling quite right, so every thing I write is annoying & emo & self-centered.
Ugh.
Chris got his wisdom teeth pulled today. He's really...miserable. I don't remember it hurting that much when mine were pulled. But every one feels pain differantly, & there are a ton of factors involved in that. For one thing, my teeth have sort-of wimpy roots, & my oral surgeon said that the older you are the worse it is. So maybe thats why Chris's are causing him so much more pain.
Lalala, trying to think of some thing to write about that isn't sad...
Oh! On the drive home from Chris's house tonight, some thing rather creapy happend. I had just turned on to Charles from E.State, & this guy(who sort of looked like Brad Pitt, but not really) pulled up next to me. I glaced over(like you do) & was startled to see that he was staring at me. Not just looking, STARING. Then he let himself fall behind me. But every so often he would pull up next to me again & STARE. We drove like this, all the way from E. State to 20th. I was starting to think that this weird staring guy was following me. So I hit the gas(he kept pace, right next to me, staring all the while, despite the fact that we were driving 20 miles over the spead limit) & turned abruptly at 18th. I ended up taking an odd route home, but was pleased to find that Mr. Pitt was not following me.
I think that my powers over men are...scary. And I don't know how to turn them off. I sound like a bitch...I really don't think that I'm that sexy or any thing, it just seams that a lot of guys get the wrong idea about me & end up having huge crushes on me &...it's awkward.
I don't know if or when I'm flirting. Seriously. So I'm happy thinking I'm "just friends" with some one, then they go & ask me out, & POOF! We're no longer friends.
Like the guy from Highlander. Every time he came in Hope would be like "Omg Ariel, why are you talking to him? Don't you know he's madly in love with you? I am so going to tell Chris that you were flirting with another guy," & I never took her seriously. He & I? We were friends. At least, that's what I thought, untill the day I happend to be walking into the store just as he was coming in for his shift. We walked through the parking lot, chatting & what not, & when we got to the door he was like "...do you...maybe want to hang out some time?" Hang out. Oh how inocent that sounds! But I'm not 12, & I know that "hanging out" can often mean "go on a casual date."
Or that other guy from the mall, who was about to ask me out(trust me, you can tell), so hoping to avoid that awkward rejection thing I was like "Uh, I really have to go, my moms waiting for me. Nice talking to ya!" & power-walked away. Now he's sort of...rude, whenever I see him.(Which is all the time since he always comes to B&N for coffee.)
Fudge. I feel bad about it. And it's always really cool guys that I would love to hang out with & get to know better!
Well...Except for Creapy Charles. He was...much much older than me, knew I was only 16, & still did things like hold my hand when I was handing him his change & say things like "I just don't know what to say around you, you take my breath away." THAT was just scary. I couldn't walk around the mall(or even just B&N) by myself, 'cause some how, he'd always find me & corner me into awkward conversations.
Maybe I'm like a Siren. I entice sailors to their death.(Only with out all the singing, no one has ever fallen in love with my voice) My name is Ariel after all.
Haha, wow, ok. Feeling less sad-face now.
There was some thing else I wanted to write about...what on earth was it?
I just re-aranged the furniture in my room.(This actually happens fairly regularly) I love how it is now, but I wish I didn't have to clean & re-organize every thing now. I have to move all my posters too, I really don't feel like it though.
Uhm...ok, enough random jibber-jabber.
Love & fruit-snacks,
Ariel
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Oh Micky, you're so fine...
After writing my last blog, I went back & read the stuff I wrote last year.
OHMYGOD I AM SO FREAKING NUTS.
Every other paragraph was about 'boyfriend'. Remember that dick? WHY was I so convinced that I LOVED him?! Lets get this straight, I was never in love with Nick B. I was just...obsessed.
I think it's actually a very good thing that he broke up with me when he did.
Even though I was depressed & not myself for about three months after. And that made the whole thing with John happen...& I sort of went a little crazy & did some things no one could be proud of...
Wow.
I'm not like that.
Really.
But...I almost wish I could go back to being me, before 'boyfriend' ever came along. I learned a lot from him & John, & later from Tim. But...I was so...relaxed.
Ohmygod I'm crazy.
Love & happy pills,
Ariel
OHMYGOD I AM SO FREAKING NUTS.
Every other paragraph was about 'boyfriend'. Remember that dick? WHY was I so convinced that I LOVED him?! Lets get this straight, I was never in love with Nick B. I was just...obsessed.
I think it's actually a very good thing that he broke up with me when he did.
Even though I was depressed & not myself for about three months after. And that made the whole thing with John happen...& I sort of went a little crazy & did some things no one could be proud of...
Wow.
I'm not like that.
Really.
But...I almost wish I could go back to being me, before 'boyfriend' ever came along. I learned a lot from him & John, & later from Tim. But...I was so...relaxed.
Ohmygod I'm crazy.
Love & happy pills,
Ariel
This is why I fail at life.
Soooo, I don't think every one realizes how crazy my mood-swings are.
My parents do, Mad might, Chris....Eh, not really. Every one else? NO.
That's part of why this blog-a-doo is so weird. I get some-what annoyed about some thing, write a blog, & when I go back to read it a month later it strikes me as extreamly angry & insane.
Like the thing I wrote about Tammi & the laundry. I really wasn't that mad!
Ok, ok, I was mad. But just about the soap! Really! I didn't think that she was trying to keep me out of clean clothes.
Or when I said ''Some times I hate my bestfriend," well...yeah, I get mad at her. But I think I've only hated her once. And that was for a good reason. Sort of. Well it seemed to be at the time.
Really, I get moody, I get depressed, I get extreamly excited, have highs of happiness that make me feel like the world is all sunshine & bubbles & hypo-allergenic cats. For a while I thought I was manic-depressive because of all that. I might be!
There is some thing not quite right in my head. Of this, I am sure. I have no idea what, or why, I've never told any one about it, but some thing is...not right.
It's hard to explain.
My parents do, Mad might, Chris....Eh, not really. Every one else? NO.
That's part of why this blog-a-doo is so weird. I get some-what annoyed about some thing, write a blog, & when I go back to read it a month later it strikes me as extreamly angry & insane.
Like the thing I wrote about Tammi & the laundry. I really wasn't that mad!
Ok, ok, I was mad. But just about the soap! Really! I didn't think that she was trying to keep me out of clean clothes.
Or when I said ''Some times I hate my bestfriend," well...yeah, I get mad at her. But I think I've only hated her once. And that was for a good reason. Sort of. Well it seemed to be at the time.
Really, I get moody, I get depressed, I get extreamly excited, have highs of happiness that make me feel like the world is all sunshine & bubbles & hypo-allergenic cats. For a while I thought I was manic-depressive because of all that. I might be!
There is some thing not quite right in my head. Of this, I am sure. I have no idea what, or why, I've never told any one about it, but some thing is...not right.
It's hard to explain.
Friday, May 8, 2009
ALL MY PANTS ARE DIRTY!
I am so fucking pissed off right now.
Tammi is the only person who has been doing laundry this week. I haven't actually been able to do any of my laundry because she always has some thing in the washer during my free time.
We have been to the grocery store three times in as many days.
I go downstairs this morning while Tammi is sleeping, hoping to wash some much needed clothing, only to find that we are totally out of detergant.
I'm broke, mom has the car, & I couldn't even get dressed to go to the store if I wanted to.
How am I suposed to wash my fucking clothes?
Why didn't she say some thing when we went to the store yesterday?
How much juice will I have to drink before I am able to pee on her laundry?
If I go buy soap, I'm going to hide it & not let her use any.
Stupid bitch.
Tammi is the only person who has been doing laundry this week. I haven't actually been able to do any of my laundry because she always has some thing in the washer during my free time.
We have been to the grocery store three times in as many days.
I go downstairs this morning while Tammi is sleeping, hoping to wash some much needed clothing, only to find that we are totally out of detergant.
I'm broke, mom has the car, & I couldn't even get dressed to go to the store if I wanted to.
How am I suposed to wash my fucking clothes?
Why didn't she say some thing when we went to the store yesterday?
How much juice will I have to drink before I am able to pee on her laundry?
If I go buy soap, I'm going to hide it & not let her use any.
Stupid bitch.
Monday, May 4, 2009
This is silly...
Every once in a while I'll realize some thing that's been right in front of my face for ages.
I realize I'm alive, I realize it's spring, I realize I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's a good feeling.
Today I realized, I'm happy! I guess I've been happy most of my life. But real, complete happiness has always been a thing of moments for me. I'm happy dancing for my favorite band, I'm happy in His arms, I'm happy sitting in this tree. But beyond those blissful moments, I'm happy with an underlying tension. I'm happy, but I'm worried, I'm happy, but I'm sad, I'm happy, but I feel lost.
But I think, I'm really happy!
Not that I have no worries, but, I'm pretty sure they aren't as important as they used to be.
I have a little over an hour 'till I have to leave for work, so I think I'm gonna' go outside & draw with chalk.
=^-^=
I realize I'm alive, I realize it's spring, I realize I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's a good feeling.
Today I realized, I'm happy! I guess I've been happy most of my life. But real, complete happiness has always been a thing of moments for me. I'm happy dancing for my favorite band, I'm happy in His arms, I'm happy sitting in this tree. But beyond those blissful moments, I'm happy with an underlying tension. I'm happy, but I'm worried, I'm happy, but I'm sad, I'm happy, but I feel lost.
But I think, I'm really happy!
Not that I have no worries, but, I'm pretty sure they aren't as important as they used to be.
I have a little over an hour 'till I have to leave for work, so I think I'm gonna' go outside & draw with chalk.
=^-^=
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Once upon a time there was a watch...
What the fuck-hole happend to March?! It's over all ready?! Wowza, I'm totally behind on the times!
(I use far to many exclamation points...)
Now it is April. Spring hath sprung! And the sky hath opend up in torents!
For Pete's sake, all this rain is driving me up the wall.(Actually, all this rain is making me feel like I ought to crawl in a hole & die.)
At work yesterday I realized that it was April first(why I haden't figured this out before is any one's guess). I got so excited that March was over that I ran(casually speed-walked) to the callender to count how many days there were before Chris & I go to New Jersey in May.(50 at the time, now it's 49)
I can not wait 'till May! Our trip is just a month away! I'm turning into Dr. Suess! To quit this ryme would be no use!
But ofcourse, realizing that the trip is so close(yet still so far!) sent me into a tail-spin of worry.
How much should I pack?
What's the airlines weight limmit for checked lugage?
What will I do with my extra stuff if it turns out that I've packed to much?
If I'm over prepaired will every one think I'm high matinence?
If I'm unprepaired will they think I'm stupid?
What will the weather be like when we get there?
Should I pack extra pants?
What about a jacket?
How many pairs of shoes should I bring?
OH GOD, I CAN'T STOP MAKING PACKING LISTS IN MY HEAD!
I am insane.
I really need to start saving money. As it is, I sort of feel like, I have no reason not to spend, so if I feel like buying a couple cute dresses for this summer, what's the harm? But I really want to move out of my mum & da's house ASAP, & for that, I shall need the money.
Part of the whole moving out thing is deciding if I really want to stay in Rockford. I'm young, I have a chance to leave this crap-hole before I'm stuck! But I don't think Chris really wants to leave, & I'm not prepaired to leave him.
Speak of the devil, Chris is here. So I shall end this before I really let crazy out of the bottle.
Love & tampons,
Ariel
(I use far to many exclamation points...)
Now it is April. Spring hath sprung! And the sky hath opend up in torents!
For Pete's sake, all this rain is driving me up the wall.(Actually, all this rain is making me feel like I ought to crawl in a hole & die.)
At work yesterday I realized that it was April first(why I haden't figured this out before is any one's guess). I got so excited that March was over that I ran(casually speed-walked) to the callender to count how many days there were before Chris & I go to New Jersey in May.(50 at the time, now it's 49)
I can not wait 'till May! Our trip is just a month away! I'm turning into Dr. Suess! To quit this ryme would be no use!
But ofcourse, realizing that the trip is so close(yet still so far!) sent me into a tail-spin of worry.
How much should I pack?
What's the airlines weight limmit for checked lugage?
What will I do with my extra stuff if it turns out that I've packed to much?
If I'm over prepaired will every one think I'm high matinence?
If I'm unprepaired will they think I'm stupid?
What will the weather be like when we get there?
Should I pack extra pants?
What about a jacket?
How many pairs of shoes should I bring?
OH GOD, I CAN'T STOP MAKING PACKING LISTS IN MY HEAD!
I am insane.
I really need to start saving money. As it is, I sort of feel like, I have no reason not to spend, so if I feel like buying a couple cute dresses for this summer, what's the harm? But I really want to move out of my mum & da's house ASAP, & for that, I shall need the money.
Part of the whole moving out thing is deciding if I really want to stay in Rockford. I'm young, I have a chance to leave this crap-hole before I'm stuck! But I don't think Chris really wants to leave, & I'm not prepaired to leave him.
Speak of the devil, Chris is here. So I shall end this before I really let crazy out of the bottle.
Love & tampons,
Ariel
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