falling off the horse

Slept a lot yesterday, then went to the Elb with Mad.
It was cool, but the Elb doesn't seem to hold the same charm that it used to.
Damn people.
People mess up every thing.

So I guess I shouldn't write stuff about people on here, turns out *some one* Mad knows read my blog(god only knows why, I wouldn't read this crap!) & found out about the whole....uhm....Drake thing....I feel kinda' bad, I mean, I knew this would happen, I know that we both know a lot of the same people, but I did nothing to prevent it.

Then again, it feels sort of justified, after the whole Steve thing Mad told tons of people! Man I wanted to kill her, seriously, I started getting IMs from people I don't even know, trying to comfort me, or warn me, & the whole time I just wanted to pound Mads face into a wall.

Awhile ago, I met this guy, and when I told him my name he goes ''wait, do you know Steve (last name)?"
Me: "Uhm....yeah, why?"
Him: "Duuuuude!"
Me: "What?!"
Him: "Oh, nothing...I've just heard some stuff about you..."
Me: *dies*

So forgive me if I don't feel all that guilty.
Ahaha, I'm such a bitch.

It's weird to know some one has actually read this crap...It makes me think I should watch what I say....But I wont, I like being totally candid.

Gah, I had no idea the things that I say could cause so much drama-rama!

Mad's worried about people at her school reading my blog, Boyfriend's worried about people at work reading it, WHAT NEXT?!

I feel like I should make up code-names for every one...but that would mean I'd have to go through & edit out all the names I've ever said. Ugh. No, laziness wins again!

I have that audition for Nick C.'s band tonight. I don't want to do it. I want to give up, like I always do. I give up on every thing, why does this have to be any different? BLEH. But I can't back out. Waaaa! Why do I have to be so honest? Why can't I just make up some excuse & not do it? Why? I'm such a fucking chicken!

I'm going to do it, I mean it's just an audition right? It doesn't mean any thing!
This would be a lot easier if Mad or Boyfriend would come with me. But Boyfriend is working, & Mad has some party to go to. >:( I feel sort of abandoned, like no one's here for me when I need them.
Big suprise, it's always been like that.

What happened to all my friends? I used to have a bunch of great friends, we had so much fun & we were always there for each other. Now I basically have three friends.
I guess I sort of out-grew every one, & never tried to replace them...
I suck.

This is really depressing. I don't think I should write stuff when I'm feeling like this, it always sounds bitchy & self-pitying, I'm really not like that in real life.

Go fly a kite!

Love & bananas,
Ariel