Alright blog, I've ignored you long enough. Mostly because I haven't felt like looking at my life. I still don't, to be honest, but some times I start to feel guilty if I don't write for a while. Which, is very strange, since I only write for my own benefit, isn't self-neglect some thing I'm good at? Heh.
Here's the quick round-up:
Old Chai fired me, for stupid reasons. I was pretty bent out of shape at first, getting fired--no matter how stupid the reason--is a lot like getting dumped, it sucks. But the job wasn't that great anyway, a trained monkey could easily be my replacement, so I harbor no ill-will.
Today I was hired by Macy's. (Am I not supposed to blog about that?) I love the store, & I think I'd like working there, buuut I'm not sure how it's going to work out. They hired me as "on call," but I don't own a car so I can't really show up at the drop of a hat. My first day of training is tomorrow, so I guess I'll talk to a supervisor about the car issue then. Hopefully it's some thing we can work around. (At least long enough for me to use my employee discount!)
If it doesn't work out I'll be ok. I talked to J a few days ago, & I think I'm going to work at B&N again. I really thought I wanted to do some thing different, (especially since you-know-who really rubs me the wrong way) but I miss working in the cafe! I miss the coffee, I miss the coworkers, I miss the customers. I thought it was high time for a change, but I really don't think I'll be happy working some where else. I guess I just enjoy being a coffee slave.
That's the long & short of it I suppose. Lots of things have happened between, went to this party, ate dinner with so-&-so, hang out with what's-his-face, but I'm sleepy, & cranky, so I'm going to bed.
Love & lotion,
Ariel
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Updates, I guess
I have a job!
Old Chicago hired me as a host, I started training last night. It was fun, I felt like we spent a lot of time standing around waiting, but it was cool. I helped make a couple pizzas, bussed a table, tried my best to remember the table numbers, the names of all the people I met, & the toppings of all the special pizzas. (I really don't remember most of them.)
I sort of had a mini-panic attack earlier in the day, before I went to OC. Just goes to show that no matter how relaxed & happy I feel, I'm still nuttier than a squirrel. I feel like I can never get a grip on my anxiety issues. Even though I know where my problems stem from, I can't eliminate them. My anxiety does not define me, & I try my best to never let it control me, but it will always be a part of me. I'll always be nevous & shy, I'll always be afraid that people don't like me, & I'll always be terrified of failure.
Love & pancakes,
Ariel
Old Chicago hired me as a host, I started training last night. It was fun, I felt like we spent a lot of time standing around waiting, but it was cool. I helped make a couple pizzas, bussed a table, tried my best to remember the table numbers, the names of all the people I met, & the toppings of all the special pizzas. (I really don't remember most of them.)
I sort of had a mini-panic attack earlier in the day, before I went to OC. Just goes to show that no matter how relaxed & happy I feel, I'm still nuttier than a squirrel. I feel like I can never get a grip on my anxiety issues. Even though I know where my problems stem from, I can't eliminate them. My anxiety does not define me, & I try my best to never let it control me, but it will always be a part of me. I'll always be nevous & shy, I'll always be afraid that people don't like me, & I'll always be terrified of failure.
Love & pancakes,
Ariel
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
gnitnev modnar
Sooo I'm here in Rockford. Yay! I miss mom & Aaron like crazy, & I hate that I had to leave them. But hopefully the separation wont be for long.
Being in Rockford is great. I've missed everybody, a ton. I've just missed Rockford, which is a crazy feeling since I've pretty much hated this city since I was 13 years old.
I've started looking for a job, (no I'm not going to try to get my job back at B & N, STOP ASKING!!) no joy so far, but that's ok. I didn't think some one worth working for would hire me right away!
Over all, I'm pretty happy. So far I'm glad I came back. Even if I don't end up staying in Rockford I'm happy to be here, at least while I'm in school.
Change is good, & it was nice to get away for a while. It was awesome to see family that I haven't seen in years. But I know now that I don't want to live in Arizona, it's my vacation place.
I don't really want to write about my trip up, or what I've been doing since I got back.
What I really want to talk about is excuses.
I can't stand how people are willing to excuse the way others behave based on events in their past. Most people learn early on in life, the difference between being a 'good person' & being a 'bad person.' We all learn about loyalty, integrity, respect. As adolescents we learn that you shouldn't hit some one who is helpless, whether that some one is an animal, a child, or a spouse. We learn that when some one trusts you, it's wrong to take actions for your own enjoyment that would damage or break that trust. Any child can tell you that hurting some one is bad, & helping some one is good.
So why is it, that some one who knows the difference between right & wrong, some one who can think & make informed decisions, can have their actions excused?
There are shades of grey, I know. Some times it's hard to figure out how to do the right thing. But in some cases, it's obvious.
Horrible things happen to people. It's an inescapable part of life. Why are we not only alowed, but almost expected to blame our actions & our choices on the events of our past? If some one was molested as a child, & they grow up to be a child molester, their past doesn't make it right.
If some one grew up with abusive partents, & they abuse their children, what their family did (or didn't do) doesn't make it ok.
We all have the ability to think things through, & make the right choices. I am in control of my actions, events in the past, no matter how traumatizing, do not dictate my every move. Because I don't let them.
I know this sounds like a load of bull, since I'm not explaining who or what I'm talking about. But this has been bugging me for a while & I needed to vent.
Basically, losers who do awful shit to their friends or family & make excuses for it because of thier past really piss me off. You have a brain, I'm pretty sure you know how to use it. Think. Make decisions. It's not always that hard to do what's right.
Being in Rockford is great. I've missed everybody, a ton. I've just missed Rockford, which is a crazy feeling since I've pretty much hated this city since I was 13 years old.
I've started looking for a job, (no I'm not going to try to get my job back at B & N, STOP ASKING!!) no joy so far, but that's ok. I didn't think some one worth working for would hire me right away!
Over all, I'm pretty happy. So far I'm glad I came back. Even if I don't end up staying in Rockford I'm happy to be here, at least while I'm in school.
Change is good, & it was nice to get away for a while. It was awesome to see family that I haven't seen in years. But I know now that I don't want to live in Arizona, it's my vacation place.
I don't really want to write about my trip up, or what I've been doing since I got back.
What I really want to talk about is excuses.
I can't stand how people are willing to excuse the way others behave based on events in their past. Most people learn early on in life, the difference between being a 'good person' & being a 'bad person.' We all learn about loyalty, integrity, respect. As adolescents we learn that you shouldn't hit some one who is helpless, whether that some one is an animal, a child, or a spouse. We learn that when some one trusts you, it's wrong to take actions for your own enjoyment that would damage or break that trust. Any child can tell you that hurting some one is bad, & helping some one is good.
So why is it, that some one who knows the difference between right & wrong, some one who can think & make informed decisions, can have their actions excused?
There are shades of grey, I know. Some times it's hard to figure out how to do the right thing. But in some cases, it's obvious.
Horrible things happen to people. It's an inescapable part of life. Why are we not only alowed, but almost expected to blame our actions & our choices on the events of our past? If some one was molested as a child, & they grow up to be a child molester, their past doesn't make it right.
If some one grew up with abusive partents, & they abuse their children, what their family did (or didn't do) doesn't make it ok.
We all have the ability to think things through, & make the right choices. I am in control of my actions, events in the past, no matter how traumatizing, do not dictate my every move. Because I don't let them.
I know this sounds like a load of bull, since I'm not explaining who or what I'm talking about. But this has been bugging me for a while & I needed to vent.
Basically, losers who do awful shit to their friends or family & make excuses for it because of thier past really piss me off. You have a brain, I'm pretty sure you know how to use it. Think. Make decisions. It's not always that hard to do what's right.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Note to self
Recently I've come to the realization that age, like most things in life, is subjective.
When you're 10, 19 sounds old. Not old old like your great-grandparents, but still at least half a million years away. Those nine years sound like a life-time, then next thing you know you're 40, & those 19-year-olds look like babys to you.
I've been thinking about age a lot this week. Mostly because no one in Douglas believes that I'm 18.
When I started working at B & N (only 16 years old at the time) people would some times ask how old I was. Usually guys in their late 20s or 30s, usually when I was working by myself. Instead of telling them right away, I'd make them guess first, it was kind of a game, & I kept a tally of the answers in my head. The average guess was around 18-20, legal, but certainly not old enough to drink. (Little did they know, 17 is actually the legal age of consent in Illinois. Please do not ask how I know this.) These guys were always a little flirtatious, so I quickly chalked it up to wishful-thinking, after-all, I'd played this same game with high-school boys & they always thought I was 14. (Which I found extremely insulting at the mature, enlightened age of 16.)
But now it's the complete opposite. I don't know if it's because of where I am, or the fact that I'm one of the three white teen aged girls in Douglas, or if my face has suddenly de-aged almost two years, but no one believes that I'm going to be 19 in three short months. Maybe it's because I'm not pushing a stroller or sporting a baby-bulge. Just from looking around the grocery store I'd guess that half the female population under the age of 18 either has a kid, or is going to with in the next few months.
That was actually one of the first things I was told when I got to Douglas, teen aged pregnancies are pretty much normal here. It's like an epidemic...
When you're 10, 19 sounds old. Not old old like your great-grandparents, but still at least half a million years away. Those nine years sound like a life-time, then next thing you know you're 40, & those 19-year-olds look like babys to you.
I've been thinking about age a lot this week. Mostly because no one in Douglas believes that I'm 18.
When I started working at B & N (only 16 years old at the time) people would some times ask how old I was. Usually guys in their late 20s or 30s, usually when I was working by myself. Instead of telling them right away, I'd make them guess first, it was kind of a game, & I kept a tally of the answers in my head. The average guess was around 18-20, legal, but certainly not old enough to drink. (Little did they know, 17 is actually the legal age of consent in Illinois. Please do not ask how I know this.) These guys were always a little flirtatious, so I quickly chalked it up to wishful-thinking, after-all, I'd played this same game with high-school boys & they always thought I was 14. (Which I found extremely insulting at the mature, enlightened age of 16.)
But now it's the complete opposite. I don't know if it's because of where I am, or the fact that I'm one of the three white teen aged girls in Douglas, or if my face has suddenly de-aged almost two years, but no one believes that I'm going to be 19 in three short months. Maybe it's because I'm not pushing a stroller or sporting a baby-bulge. Just from looking around the grocery store I'd guess that half the female population under the age of 18 either has a kid, or is going to with in the next few months.
That was actually one of the first things I was told when I got to Douglas, teen aged pregnancies are pretty much normal here. It's like an epidemic...
Saturday, April 10, 2010
>:[
Soo...Everybody sucks.
I guess my mom (& grandparents, & dad) don't think I should go back to Rockford. So now mom wants me to aply for this job, that would be super awesome, but is here in AZ & lasts all summer.
I admit, it's a really sweet opertunity. But I've broken enough promises. I'm not chosing a job over Chris.
Speaking of promises, now Chris wants me to come home a week earlier. I think he'll be upsett if I say no, but I can't. I told mom & dad & Aaron that I wouldn't be leaving 'till June.
Ugh, he want's me to leave early, the family wants me to stay late. Why can't they all just be happy with what I want?
Fuuuuuck. My life is not suposed to go like this!
I guess my mom (& grandparents, & dad) don't think I should go back to Rockford. So now mom wants me to aply for this job, that would be super awesome, but is here in AZ & lasts all summer.
I admit, it's a really sweet opertunity. But I've broken enough promises. I'm not chosing a job over Chris.
Speaking of promises, now Chris wants me to come home a week earlier. I think he'll be upsett if I say no, but I can't. I told mom & dad & Aaron that I wouldn't be leaving 'till June.
Ugh, he want's me to leave early, the family wants me to stay late. Why can't they all just be happy with what I want?
Fuuuuuck. My life is not suposed to go like this!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Food for sleep
Have you ever lay in bed at night, slowly drifting off, rehashing the days events? Have you ever lay in bed rehashing the days events, & suddenly thought of food? Have you ever suddenly thought of food in bed, & not been able to sleep until you eat said food?
This is a problem I have a lot.
I love food. I spend a great deal of time eating it, & thinking about it. I love to indulge my random cravings, & I think it's better for my own well-being that I don't stop myself from eating what I love. But because I'm so...self indulgent, I have zero self-control.
So it's around 12:00 am, I'm not very tired, but my thoughts are drifting. I start thinking about a blog I read, in which there is a very random, & irrelevent line about how much the author hates olive tapenade. I don't remember the rest of the blog, but some how that one line stuck in my head.
Did I mention I love olive tapenade?
I ended up laying in bed for another half an hour thinking about tapenade, & olives in gereral, while trying to convince myself that I'd rather stay in bed, than go digging in the back of the fridge--where I know there will be some delicious sicilian olives.
My stomach won the battle. It always does. Thankfully, it was just olives, & not some thing weird that we wouldn't have in the house.
So I've had my olives, now I'm having a hot cup of tea. Hopefully I'll be asleap with in the next hour.
Love & catfish,
Ariel
This is a problem I have a lot.
I love food. I spend a great deal of time eating it, & thinking about it. I love to indulge my random cravings, & I think it's better for my own well-being that I don't stop myself from eating what I love. But because I'm so...self indulgent, I have zero self-control.
So it's around 12:00 am, I'm not very tired, but my thoughts are drifting. I start thinking about a blog I read, in which there is a very random, & irrelevent line about how much the author hates olive tapenade. I don't remember the rest of the blog, but some how that one line stuck in my head.
Did I mention I love olive tapenade?
I ended up laying in bed for another half an hour thinking about tapenade, & olives in gereral, while trying to convince myself that I'd rather stay in bed, than go digging in the back of the fridge--where I know there will be some delicious sicilian olives.
My stomach won the battle. It always does. Thankfully, it was just olives, & not some thing weird that we wouldn't have in the house.
So I've had my olives, now I'm having a hot cup of tea. Hopefully I'll be asleap with in the next hour.
Love & catfish,
Ariel
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
My blog is naked!
Soo today, right now, I'm trying to find a new template for my bloggy. I get bored & annoyed when I try to make them myself. (Funny, since I used to love doing stuff like that. I guess HTML just isn't good enough for me any more.) Buuuuut I can't find any online that I like. Well, I've found a couple I like, but there never perfect. Like there was one that had cute apples & stuff, but it was all blocky & out-lined & I hated it. Then there was this other one that was just the way I like 'em, all spacey & zen, no lines. It had cute breakfast food on it. Which is great, I love cute & I love breakfast, but I don't write about food. And there was this other one with Aang from Avatar, soo cute, so not what I want.
Oh well. The search goes on.
Oh well. The search goes on.
One tangled spider-web
Many a thing has happend. Many a boring thing. Well, most things that happen aren't boring to me, but they would be boring to read about in a blog. Ah well.
Saturday, my Aunt Margie & her friend Kay brought my Aunt Evelyn over for a visit. Just to clarify, Marige is my great aunt, & Evelyn is my...great-great aunt? She's a little dotty. I love her, but...you know how crazy old people are. Also, she thought I was Aaron. Okay, I do have short hair, & when we're sitting down it looks like we're the same hight (he's actually taller than me), & we do look a lot alike. But acording to her the only differance between us is my "chi-chi's." Personaly, I don't really enjoy family members commenting on the size of my boobs.
Saturday was also Jael's (Grandma's best friend) birthday. So that evening she came over for dinner & cake. (Tacos & Key Lime Poke Cake, so...yummy...) We had a quiet little party & gave her gifts & all that. It was nice, but Jael & Katriel (her 10 year old daughter) kind of overwhelm me at times. So does my Grandpa. There all very loud & they talk non stop. My Aunt Margie is like that too. So's Aunt Sharon...Seems like this side of the family is loud & obnoxious...
I love them all, & I wouldn't change them, but I have a hard time dealing with crowds of people & loud noises. I'm just weird like that.
Sunday my awesome cousin Tony stopped by. He lives in Tucson so we don't see him to much, but he was in town so he came over for a bit before heading home. Tony is...I don't know...really cool! I've always really liked him, & whenever he's around I get this warm fuzy feeling, like "I want you to be my best friend!" Haha. It helps that he's cute & nerdy. I do love to spend time with cute nerdy people. Hehehe. Anyways, when Tony came over he brought fun stuffs! He gave me the first three volumes of Fushigi Yuugi! I posted on facebook that I had just finished reading Fruits Basket, & he said I should read Fushigi Yuugi, he says it's his all time favorite manga. So when the library here didn't have it, he gave it to me! (The first three volumes anyway.) I just finished reading Vol. 1 & so far I love it! He also brought Aaron a sweet Star Wars Lego set. So fun was had by all. Horray!
Yesterday Grandma & Grandpa left for Tucson. They stayed the night so they could go to some church thing at like seven am today. Grandma was kinda' pissed that she had to go, she said she didn't want to go/wasn't going to go, but Grandpa dragged her along anyway. Grandpa's really....obnoxious, & rude, & has some thing to say about every thing (even if he has no idea what he's talking about). I don't understand how Grandma put up with him all these years. They must really be in love, or some thing...
Tooodaaaaay, I got in a car accident! Wooooaaaah. I was driving mom to work, & as we were leaving, Vicktor, the neighbor accross the street backed into us. It wasn't a big deal, & he was really nice, but man it was a shock! What a way to wake up man.
Uhm....What else is going on? Oooh Chris got his nose pierced! It's really cute, I like it. Hehe. I've been thinking about getting my lip pierced, I've wanted to for years, but never got around to it after I turned 18. But, I don't have any money, so it'll have to wait. Heh.
Oh, yesterday, I kind of got in a fight with John. (To clarify, John was a really good friend like two years ago, we kind-of-almost dated, but not really, I wasn't in love with him, he claims to have been in love with me, & I sort of broke his heart. We've been texting a bit the last couple months, & he's still just as gloomy & melodramatic as he alway was.) Basically, he totally lied to me, then made excuses for lying, &, I'm pretty sure he lied some more. Here's how the conversation went:
John: Hey! Whats up?
Ariel: I'm making robot magnets! =D Whats up with you?
John: I'm relaxing before my last night here. [Ok, when he said this I was like, "Holy shit, is he going to tell me that he's planning on offing himself?!"]
Ariel: Uh what? Where are you going?
John: Oh, didn't I tell you?
Ariel: Nooo....
John: After you did what you did to me I decided I needed a major change so I enlisted. ["After what you did to me." You know...there are a lot of things I could say about this statement, mostly it pissed me off. For Pete's sake, we weren't even dating, & it was two years ago!]
Ariel: Holy. Shit.
John: I'm leaving in ten hours for my two years. [Right here is when I had this sneaking suspicion that he was lying to me. I beleive in following my gut, but I played along anyway.]
Ariel: Woahs...wow John, that HUGE. Ohmygosh...
John: Pending I come back that is. [This is when I thought, "maybe he's lying, & he wants to know how I'd feel if he died..."]
Ariel: Don't say that you ass! Thats an awful thing to say.
John: Well its a reality I have to face. Could you handle it hough? Have you told me every thing you want to? Are you ready to say goodbye to me? [Again, doesn't this just sound like the precursor to a suicide letter?]
Ariel: Shut the fuck up! Jesus John, you know if you said that to my face I'd slap you.
John: I need to know Ariel, I'm not gonna have a phone over there. Am I really asking that much? [Over there? Like you enlisted yesterday & you're getting shipped off to Iraq tomorrow?]
Ariel: I don't even know what you're asking. What do you want?
John: I'm basically asking you said every thing to me that you havce ever wanted to
Ariel: Idk, I guess. Have you?
John: I still like you is about it.
Ariel: It's been two years! Why can't you just deal with the fact that we will never be together & move on?
John: I ment as a friend Ariel. I should hate you for what you did to me but I don't. Why the freakout? [Ok, I did freak out a little. When some one says "I like you" they usually mean more than friends. I felt kind of silly after that...]
Ariel: Well duh you still like me as a friend! Why else would you text me all the time?
John: I'm just trying to say I forgive you for breaking my heart. [Really? Are you sure? 'Cause you keep saying "After what you did to me." Doesn't sound like you forgive me.]
Ariel: Thanks, I guess. So where are you going for boot camp? [This is when I decided to see how far he was willing to go for his lie.]
John: Ok now you're probably gonna hit me for this.
Ariel: What? [No, really?]
John:I'm not leaving anywhere but the store that I work as a friend of mine did the same thing to me today.
Ariel: Yeah I figured. Why'd you feel the need to lie to me?
John: I was trying to figure out what the hell he was going that for I'm sorry for the deciet but lately he has been acting strage I'm trying to understand why.
Ariel: Wow. Thanks for using me as a lab rat. Maybe he's thinking about committing suicide & wants to know how people will react.
John: Thank you for giving me that view piont and in all respects dont you thing I have the right to do that? [Um, excuse me?]
Ariel: The right to what? Lie to people who care about you? Sure, but I have the right to not trust any thing you say now.
John: After what you did your going to criticize me for trying to understand my friend better? [After what I did? What the hell are you talking about?!]
Ariel: You could have told me what he did & asked for my opinion.
John: I needed to see how it made him feel.
Ariel: Yeah, sure. [If you didn't know how he felt before telling the lie, why would lying to some one else help you understand?]
John: I needed the best perspective.
That's when I was really pissed off & stopped talking to him. Honestly, I'm not sure I believe the thing about his ''friend.'' It sounds like a load of bull-shit to me. He should know me better by now, I like helping people with problems, but I fucking hate being lied to.
Jeeze, sorry that bits sooo long. I tried editing stuff out, but it's all sort of important to me. Anyway, I'm going to make more robots.
Love & flip-flops,
Ariel
Saturday, my Aunt Margie & her friend Kay brought my Aunt Evelyn over for a visit. Just to clarify, Marige is my great aunt, & Evelyn is my...great-great aunt? She's a little dotty. I love her, but...you know how crazy old people are. Also, she thought I was Aaron. Okay, I do have short hair, & when we're sitting down it looks like we're the same hight (he's actually taller than me), & we do look a lot alike. But acording to her the only differance between us is my "chi-chi's." Personaly, I don't really enjoy family members commenting on the size of my boobs.
Saturday was also Jael's (Grandma's best friend) birthday. So that evening she came over for dinner & cake. (Tacos & Key Lime Poke Cake, so...yummy...) We had a quiet little party & gave her gifts & all that. It was nice, but Jael & Katriel (her 10 year old daughter) kind of overwhelm me at times. So does my Grandpa. There all very loud & they talk non stop. My Aunt Margie is like that too. So's Aunt Sharon...Seems like this side of the family is loud & obnoxious...
I love them all, & I wouldn't change them, but I have a hard time dealing with crowds of people & loud noises. I'm just weird like that.
Sunday my awesome cousin Tony stopped by. He lives in Tucson so we don't see him to much, but he was in town so he came over for a bit before heading home. Tony is...I don't know...really cool! I've always really liked him, & whenever he's around I get this warm fuzy feeling, like "I want you to be my best friend!" Haha. It helps that he's cute & nerdy. I do love to spend time with cute nerdy people. Hehehe. Anyways, when Tony came over he brought fun stuffs! He gave me the first three volumes of Fushigi Yuugi! I posted on facebook that I had just finished reading Fruits Basket, & he said I should read Fushigi Yuugi, he says it's his all time favorite manga. So when the library here didn't have it, he gave it to me! (The first three volumes anyway.) I just finished reading Vol. 1 & so far I love it! He also brought Aaron a sweet Star Wars Lego set. So fun was had by all. Horray!
Yesterday Grandma & Grandpa left for Tucson. They stayed the night so they could go to some church thing at like seven am today. Grandma was kinda' pissed that she had to go, she said she didn't want to go/wasn't going to go, but Grandpa dragged her along anyway. Grandpa's really....obnoxious, & rude, & has some thing to say about every thing (even if he has no idea what he's talking about). I don't understand how Grandma put up with him all these years. They must really be in love, or some thing...
Tooodaaaaay, I got in a car accident! Wooooaaaah. I was driving mom to work, & as we were leaving, Vicktor, the neighbor accross the street backed into us. It wasn't a big deal, & he was really nice, but man it was a shock! What a way to wake up man.
Uhm....What else is going on? Oooh Chris got his nose pierced! It's really cute, I like it. Hehe. I've been thinking about getting my lip pierced, I've wanted to for years, but never got around to it after I turned 18. But, I don't have any money, so it'll have to wait. Heh.
Oh, yesterday, I kind of got in a fight with John. (To clarify, John was a really good friend like two years ago, we kind-of-almost dated, but not really, I wasn't in love with him, he claims to have been in love with me, & I sort of broke his heart. We've been texting a bit the last couple months, & he's still just as gloomy & melodramatic as he alway was.) Basically, he totally lied to me, then made excuses for lying, &, I'm pretty sure he lied some more. Here's how the conversation went:
John: Hey! Whats up?
Ariel: I'm making robot magnets! =D Whats up with you?
John: I'm relaxing before my last night here. [Ok, when he said this I was like, "Holy shit, is he going to tell me that he's planning on offing himself?!"]
Ariel: Uh what? Where are you going?
John: Oh, didn't I tell you?
Ariel: Nooo....
John: After you did what you did to me I decided I needed a major change so I enlisted. ["After what you did to me." You know...there are a lot of things I could say about this statement, mostly it pissed me off. For Pete's sake, we weren't even dating, & it was two years ago!]
Ariel: Holy. Shit.
John: I'm leaving in ten hours for my two years. [Right here is when I had this sneaking suspicion that he was lying to me. I beleive in following my gut, but I played along anyway.]
Ariel: Woahs...wow John, that HUGE. Ohmygosh...
John: Pending I come back that is. [This is when I thought, "maybe he's lying, & he wants to know how I'd feel if he died..."]
Ariel: Don't say that you ass! Thats an awful thing to say.
John: Well its a reality I have to face. Could you handle it hough? Have you told me every thing you want to? Are you ready to say goodbye to me? [Again, doesn't this just sound like the precursor to a suicide letter?]
Ariel: Shut the fuck up! Jesus John, you know if you said that to my face I'd slap you.
John: I need to know Ariel, I'm not gonna have a phone over there. Am I really asking that much? [Over there? Like you enlisted yesterday & you're getting shipped off to Iraq tomorrow?]
Ariel: I don't even know what you're asking. What do you want?
John: I'm basically asking you said every thing to me that you havce ever wanted to
Ariel: Idk, I guess. Have you?
John: I still like you is about it.
Ariel: It's been two years! Why can't you just deal with the fact that we will never be together & move on?
John: I ment as a friend Ariel. I should hate you for what you did to me but I don't. Why the freakout? [Ok, I did freak out a little. When some one says "I like you" they usually mean more than friends. I felt kind of silly after that...]
Ariel: Well duh you still like me as a friend! Why else would you text me all the time?
John: I'm just trying to say I forgive you for breaking my heart. [Really? Are you sure? 'Cause you keep saying "After what you did to me." Doesn't sound like you forgive me.]
Ariel: Thanks, I guess. So where are you going for boot camp? [This is when I decided to see how far he was willing to go for his lie.]
John: Ok now you're probably gonna hit me for this.
Ariel: What? [No, really?]
John:I'm not leaving anywhere but the store that I work as a friend of mine did the same thing to me today.
Ariel: Yeah I figured. Why'd you feel the need to lie to me?
John: I was trying to figure out what the hell he was going that for I'm sorry for the deciet but lately he has been acting strage I'm trying to understand why.
Ariel: Wow. Thanks for using me as a lab rat. Maybe he's thinking about committing suicide & wants to know how people will react.
John: Thank you for giving me that view piont and in all respects dont you thing I have the right to do that? [Um, excuse me?]
Ariel: The right to what? Lie to people who care about you? Sure, but I have the right to not trust any thing you say now.
John: After what you did your going to criticize me for trying to understand my friend better? [After what I did? What the hell are you talking about?!]
Ariel: You could have told me what he did & asked for my opinion.
John: I needed to see how it made him feel.
Ariel: Yeah, sure. [If you didn't know how he felt before telling the lie, why would lying to some one else help you understand?]
John: I needed the best perspective.
That's when I was really pissed off & stopped talking to him. Honestly, I'm not sure I believe the thing about his ''friend.'' It sounds like a load of bull-shit to me. He should know me better by now, I like helping people with problems, but I fucking hate being lied to.
Jeeze, sorry that bits sooo long. I tried editing stuff out, but it's all sort of important to me. Anyway, I'm going to make more robots.
Love & flip-flops,
Ariel
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Bleeeeh
This is the fifth month since I came to Arizona, & I remain unemployed. Poop.
Sooo I'm trying to keep myself busy, & trying to keep myself sane until I make my less-than-triumphant return to Rockford. Har-har.
I've started knitting again; I gobble down books, barely pausing to digest the information they deliver before moving on to the next; I go on hikes in the moutains; I play games with Aaron; I text Chris constantly; & I'm sending valentines to all my friends & co-workers...but I feel totally useless.
I never-ever-thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to get back to Illinois.
I feel bad leaving my mom though. She's been through a lot, & she could use the moral support. Which is why I'm not leaving 'till May, June at the latest. It's hard to put my guilt aside though, on the one hand, moms' a grown-up, she can take care of herself, & no doubt she will! But...She's always taken care of me, now who's taking care of her?
Bah.
Sooo I'm trying to keep myself busy, & trying to keep myself sane until I make my less-than-triumphant return to Rockford. Har-har.
I've started knitting again; I gobble down books, barely pausing to digest the information they deliver before moving on to the next; I go on hikes in the moutains; I play games with Aaron; I text Chris constantly; & I'm sending valentines to all my friends & co-workers...but I feel totally useless.
I never-ever-thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to get back to Illinois.
I feel bad leaving my mom though. She's been through a lot, & she could use the moral support. Which is why I'm not leaving 'till May, June at the latest. It's hard to put my guilt aside though, on the one hand, moms' a grown-up, she can take care of herself, & no doubt she will! But...She's always taken care of me, now who's taking care of her?
Bah.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Make with the seriousness!
Ok, so I don't want to say to much about the whole Haiti thing, but if you have a little cash to spare you really should donate to the redcross. It would be a wonderful thing to do.
Monday, January 4, 2010
ugh
Have I ever mentioned how much job hunting sucks? The whole thing is just stupid & disorganized. I hate having to fill out app after app & BS on each & every one about why I want some crappy dead-end-job. Uh, maybe because I need money so that I can one day have a job that isn't crappy & dead-ended?
Seriously, I think places like cafes would run so much better if they had a trial run with all the people they're thinking about hiring. What? My work history isn't long enough for you? Well let me show you how awesome I am behind the counter & then you'll see who's worth hiring.
That sounded a little dirty....
Seriously, I think places like cafes would run so much better if they had a trial run with all the people they're thinking about hiring. What? My work history isn't long enough for you? Well let me show you how awesome I am behind the counter & then you'll see who's worth hiring.
That sounded a little dirty....
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